


Motionless - Part 5

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Motionless [6]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Angst, Angst and Feels, Blood and Injury, Broken Hearts, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky's POV, F/M, Feels, Heavy Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, I think my heart just broke, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, It's so sad but it's so good, Just so many feels, Language, Major Character Injury, Why Did I Write This?, Winter Soldier feels, bucky really needs a hug, feeling of giving up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 13:26:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8287382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: Reader gets shot in the back during a mission leaving her paralyzed from the waist down.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Bucky’s POV again, bear with me guys he finds out in this part.

_ Thump, thump, thump. _

 

I focused on the sound of my fists hitting the bag in front of me. Losing myself in the rhythm. I didn’t notice Steve walk in, nor the look of concern etched on his face. Not until he stood behind the bag holding it still for me as I continued to swing. I saw his gaze fall to the floor next to him, giving me a worried glance when he took in the busted battered bag on the floor. 

I couldn’t sleep, too many thoughts ran through my head, preventing me from even trying. So I’ve been in the gym ever since. Without even thinking, I went straight to the punching bag and went at it. Getting lost in my own thoughts. Only stopping to replace the bag when it busted open and flew off the chain and onto the floor in a heap. I didn’t even bother to wrap my now bloodied hand, I was too focused on getting everything out of my system. 

 

My swings picked up their pace, the blows harder. My clothes now drenched in sweat, as they stuck to my skin. All my pent up rage, every emotion I felt, ran through me as my mind replayed back to the conversation I had with Steve earlier this week. The way (Y/N) looked away from me. How she shrank away. I remembered the way I felt alone, abandoned, waking up in a cold sweat every morning at the memory of her leaving. Reaching out to the other side of the bed, only to find out the body that was supposed to be there, wasn’t. 

 

Of how she left me.

 

It’s been weeks since she talked to me.  _ Thump _ Since I held her in my arms.  _ Thump thump _ Weeks and still no explanation.  _ Thump thump thump  _  I was so focused on taking out my frustration, that I hardly noticed Steve’s been talking to me. 

 

“Bucky, Bucky stop!” A muddled voice broke me out of my thoughts, causing my metal hand to miss the bag and hit Steve square in the face instead. I jerked away from Steve as he rubbed his sore jaw. Stumbling towards the bench I sat down, my hands gripping my hair as I started to shake. 

“Bucky, what’s going on? You’ve been pent up all week and have been avoiding (Y/N). Every time we bring you up, she just shoves it off.” Steve sat down next to me, still grimacing from where I punched him. Maybe everyone else was right. How could I even believe that I could’ve had a normal life? To fall for the perfect girl, fall in love and start fresh. To even have a chance. Maybe I was better off alone, in the dark. Considering that’s how I’ve been anyways.

 

“How the hell should I know Steve? I’m just as clueless as you are.” I stand up and head towards the door to leave. 

“You’re her boyfriend, shouldn’t you know what’s going on?” I stop in the doorway turning to look at Steve. 

 

“Yeah, I should know. I should know why she’s not talking to me, why she’s avoiding me. How every morning I wake up to an empty bed, expecting her to be beside me.” I clench and unclench my fists, taking a deep breath. “So why don’t I know Steve? Why don’t you ask her? Why don’t you ask her why she left, left me in the dark without an explanation. Because I’d really like to know.” I leave Steve standing there by the bench, not even bothering to look at him. 

* * *

 

I stayed locked in my room for the rest of the week, avoiding everyone as best I could. I really didn’t want to repeat the conversation I had with Steve with anyone else. Not when the pain was still fresh. Sure it’s been awhile, but it felt as if shit hit the fan just yesterday. Sam and Steve eventually convinced me to go out with them to a bar a good ways away from the tower to unwind, let loose and just spend time with the guys. I threw on some jeans, a red henley and grabbed my coat, ready to drink my pain away. 

 

Voices were coming from the common room as I headed towards it. But my steps faltered when I heard her voice next. “I can’t tell him that Nat, he wouldn’t understand.” Her voice sounded broken and quiet. I stop completely and hid in the shadows listening as the conversation progressed. 

 

“(Y/N), how in the world is he supposed to understand if you won’t  _ tell _ him?” Nat emphasized her words. Clearly sounding unhappy.

“Because, Nat. Because it just felt so real and what if it does happen?” I grew more confused as the conversation went on. What happened? What felt so real? 

 

“Okay, tell me again exactly what happened.  _ Everything _ , do not leave out anything.” I shrink back further when I heard them shift around, a sigh was soon released before (Y/N) spoke up again. 

“I go to bed shortly after Bucky and then had a nightmare….” A new voice comes in, “(Y/N) just tell us what happened.” The voice belonged to Steve. Why was he there? What the hell is going on?

 

“Fine, I ended up being paralyzed after the mission. Shit went down the drain as Bucky and I became more distant. It was like he grew bored of me, or that he couldn’t take how his girlfriend was now paralyzed.” I breathed in sharply at her confession, but I was quickly brought back. “I go to check on Bucky to ask him what’s wrong and I hear noises coming from our room, but I figured he was just watching a movie or something. I open the door and he...h-he was…” Was...was she crying? The next part I didn’t expect. “He was in our bed going at it with another girl. They told me I was worthless, pathetic. He told me that I was fucking useless, that he no longer loved me. So I left and never came back. Then I woke up.” That’s why she left? Because she believes I won’t love her anymore? Why wouldn’t she tell me this? Multiple questions ran through my mind as I struggled to breathe.  

 

“What did you after you woke up (Y/N)?”  _ Sam?  _ Now Sam was in this too? So she thought to tell everyone besides me? My hands clenched into tight fists against my sides, anger trying its best to bubble over. 

 

“I...I told him that we should take a break...for awhile?” Thanks to my training, I could hear her whisper without a problem. My main problem and question was, why? “So you, told Bucky, your  _ boyfriend  _ of who knows how many years, that you both should basically break up because of your own fear of how he’d react?” Nat spoke up, frustration clearly in her voice. 

 

“Maybe?”

 

“Maybe?  _ Maybe? _ (Y/N) I love how we’re friends and all, but haven’t you realized you’re only making this worse?” I didn’t need to know how thick the tension was, you could cut through it like a hot knife through butter. 

 

“Of course I do Sam! And I won’t lie to say that it hurts like hell. But he deserves someone better than me, someone, who could make him happy. A girl he finds beautiful, sexy, who he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Someone who’s not scarred and who doesn’t need a fucking machine in her back to help her walk!” I flinched back slightly from her outburst, tears threatening to spill. I can’t take it anymore, I can’t take the secrecy or the lies. I need to hear this for myself. My coat long forgotten, I finally make my presence known.

 

“(Y/N), you need to-” The room fell silent as I felt their attention land on me. I wait a few moments before lifting my gaze to stare into the eyes I missed the most. They were wide with fear, surrounded by dark circles from lack of sleep and exhaustion. I wouldn’t be surprised if I looked the same. 

 

“Why?” My voice cracked. 

She stood up slowly, “Bucky how long have you been there?”

 

“Long enough, now answer the fucking question.” The others stood up as well, making their way to her side. She wrapped her arms around herself as she glared at me. “Well you heard everything, so why should I repeat it?” My eyes never left hers, my breath quickened as I grew tense. 

“ _ Why shouldn’t you repeat it? _ Because I need to hear it for myself, but you thought it was a better idea to tell everyone else  _ but _ me.” I step towards her, but she backed away and into Steve. I stop and try to take a breath. 

 

“I wasn’t sure how you’d react?”

“How would you know if you never told me!” She cringed and wrapped her arms tighter around herself. “Bucky, I’m sorry, I d-”

 

“You’re  _ sorry _ ?........Sorry? (Y/N), you don’t get to be sorry. I waited….I  _ waited _ for you to come tell me why. But you never did.” I felt betrayed, hurt, confused, angry. I couldn’t focus on anything. 

“Bucky, she didn’t mean to.” I glare behind (Y/N) at Steve, the cold look on my face preventing him from walking any closer. 

 

“Steve, I suggest you don’t say anything.” I hiss through my teeth, before looking back at (Y/N). 

 

“You don’t deserve me Bucky. You deserve someone who can make you happy, someone who loves you. Tony’s great and all, but there’s still a slight possibility that I could become paralyzed and I can’t do that to you.” I laugh quietly to myself as I look to the floor. 

“ ‘Someone who loves me’. Wow, for a moment there I actually thought you did. But clearly, you don’t.” My heart shatters into pieces as her words sink in. 

 

“Bucky I didn’t mean it like that.” She took a few steps towards me but stopped when my hand shot up. “But you did (Y/N).” I backed away slowly. “I mean I wouldn’t blame you, considering that I cheated on you with another girl in your dream.” I run a hand through my hair and sighed. 

 

“Bucky let’s just all sit down and talk-” It only takes a few strides, but I grip Steve by the collar of his shirt and push him against the wall, causing the plaster to crack. “For once in your fucking life Steve, stay out of it!” I let everything go, the pain, the hurt, the anger, I don’t hold anything back. Without taking my eyes off Steve I continue, “You left me (Y/N) with no reason why. You l-left and you never c-came back.”

 

My grip on Steve’s shirt loosened slightly when I felt a soft hand place itself on my back, I missed her touch. The way (Y/N)’s soft skin felt against mine. But then I remembered when her touch never returned. How it was no longer there to shake me from my nightmares, to bring me out of the dark. “Bucky, I’m so sorry, please….” Letting my emotions take control I whip around and grab her upper arms, not even processing how there will be bruises there tomorrow. 

 

“YOU LEFT ME (Y/N)!! The only person I ever cared for, ever loved….LEFT ME!” I released my hold on her and went back to grab my coat from the floor. “James...James please.”

 

“NO! No, you don’t get to call me that.” I pointed at her. “You lost that right as soon as you walked out that door!” The tears I tried so hard to hold back, came down like waterfalls. But I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything anymore, nothing. My whole world was gone, my light, my joy, my life source….was gone. I headed towards the elevator to leave. I needed to get out of here, I couldn’t be here, not while she was. The pain was too much. 

 

“Ja-Bucky where are you going?” I kept on walking, it killed me when her voice sounded so broken. I answer back not daring to look at her, knowing if I did I would break. 

 

“Why do you care? It’s not like it matters anymore anyways. We’re no longer together and you no longer love me.” The elevator doors opened and before they closed I look back to her tear-stained face, my own matching hers. My voice hoarse, “Goodbye (Y/N).” I let the doors close and stumble to the back wall of the elevator. (Y/N)’s voice echoes down from the elevator shaft, along with the sound of her fists banging on the doors. 

 

“JAMES! James please! P-Please don’t leave me!” Ages pass, but the doors finally open to the garage. I run straight for my bike, hop on and leave as fast as I could. The tires screeching against the concrete, leaving tread marks as I flew out the door and down the street. 

 

I’m not sure how long I’ve been driving, everything was blurred and unfocused as the landscape zoomed past me. Not focusing on the road ahead of me and too deep into my thoughts, I failed to see the deer jump out of the woods, but it was too late. My bike collided with the deer, causing both me and the bike to go flying across the asphalt and into the trees on the side of the road. I groaned out in pain as the bike landed on my legs. White hot searing pain shot up my side as I managed to push the bike off me. I instantly brought my hands to my side only to find a good two-inch thick branch poking out from my lower abdomen. 

 

My hands start to shake as I took in the damage, a whimper breaking free. Luckily the branch is preventing me from dying of blood loss, the bad part? If I wanted to get up, I’d have to remove it. 

“Shit...well...this was one way to go I guess.” 

Sure it was slower, more painful, but at least it’ll get the job done. I lay my head back down on the grass, letting the cold seep in as the night closed in. I bring my hands to my face, screaming out into the night sky.

 

I prayed that death would come quickly, anything to take away the pain I could no longer bear. Nothing else mattered, why bother living a life when the one you had was ripped away from you? 

  
“I’m sorry (Y/N)...I’m so sorry. P-Please forgive me. I love you...p-please c-come back to me.” I sobbed against my hands; the wind rustling through the leaves and the crickets drowned out my plea’s as my world completely shattered around me. And now there was nothing I could do to fix it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Will Bucky make it? Will he and the reader fix things? Will they get back together?
> 
> As always, comments are highly encouraged! Let me know what you think and how they should fix things.


End file.
